oh nice...love that you have his baritone in this... just now making lots of music and i could feel that baritone..literally..the carnal soul coming to pray...raw..very nice jebbi
Yes, your ending clinches it all for me. I love the unraveling of this and the final resting. I'm often suprised what can be done with just a few well-chosen words...this is definitely one of those moments...very nice, Jebbi.
Wonderful, Jebbi. This really appeals to me. There is real depth of meaning here... not a lot of poetry with that spiritual side (without getting preachy/evangelical). Always said 'soul' had its place... beautiful. A special place reached by the narrator at closure. That semi-colon may be misplaced though (right near the end) if you're meaning to lead onto the last line. It's doing the opposite. Whatever, really love this one Jebbs
oh nice...love that you have his baritone in this... just now making lots of music and i could feel that baritone..literally..the carnal soul coming to pray...raw..very nice jebbi
ReplyDeleteWonderful slide down well-chosen words and images.. to a surprising end. You had me in the palm of your hand Jebbi.. so good.
ReplyDeleteStriking mix of stick and slide.. :)
Thanks Claudia and Becky! :)
ReplyDeleteI do like this style and voice. I think you're well-chosen few words are very effective and moving. Yes, and a surprising windup. Very nice job.
ReplyDeletenice...very nice actually...great progression and i can hear the voice...carnal souls come to pray arent we all..
ReplyDeleteThank you Steve and Brian! :)
ReplyDeleteYes, your ending clinches it all for me. I love the unraveling of this and the final resting. I'm often suprised what can be done with just a few well-chosen words...this is definitely one of those moments...very nice, Jebbi.
ReplyDeletepowerful words! I feel it coming to get me! I really do. Great poem.
ReplyDeleteThank you Emma and Rachel! :)
ReplyDeleteWonderful, Jebbi. This really appeals to me. There is real depth of meaning here... not a lot of poetry with that spiritual side (without getting preachy/evangelical). Always said 'soul' had its place... beautiful. A special place reached by the narrator at closure. That semi-colon may be misplaced though (right near the end) if you're meaning to lead onto the last line. It's doing the opposite. Whatever, really love this one Jebbs
ReplyDeletemaybe just a comma then?...thanks Luke! :)
ReplyDeleteeloquent words. wow.
ReplyDeleteawesome job, Jebbi. Each stanza speaks volumes with such brevity!
ReplyDeleteThankyou Morning and sheila :)
ReplyDelete